Losing the relationship seemed like the end of the world to me. I spent months crying, not eating and thinking about death. I had spent years worshipping X and I figured if she could lie and cheat there was no hope for the world.
I have come a long way from those days. I started running which I mostly liked, I made some friends and started to look for other things that will make my life meaningful. I have actually stayed friends with X (lesbians have weird relationships or maybe just I do) although the relationship is often rocky and I dislike her current girlfriend.
It would be nice if I could just say I was in a bad relationship and now all my issues are resolved but they are not. I had some work related stress in the beginning of the year, I stopped running and my weight climbed back up. I have trouble forming solid friendships and the moment I get close to a friend I balk and stop hanging out with them. I tend to be jealous and overly critical. I am also in a new relationship with a woman who loves me a lot and I love her but I feel that our goals in life are too different and to be honest I just want out of the relationship but I don't want to hurt her. She is also really loving and I seem to go for people who are not really into me which is bad. I am sure it has to do with me not liking myself enough so no respecting anybody who likes me.
So for 3 months I will be in CA with X and away from C(urrent). I hope to get my body and my mind to a good place so when I move to the Midwest in the fall I know more about myself and can deal better with my new environment. The one thing I am sure about is that I want to lose 40lb and run the Houston marathon in January in 4:30 so that is the concrete goal. Hopefully I will figure out what other things I want/don't want during the hours spent running.
