Late week 2 report

So here is the data from week 2;

Weightloss: 0.75

Avg daily calories: 1757

Avg net calories: 1507

I consumed a few more calories than in the first week so it is not surprising that my weightloss was smaller. oh well. It is going down and that is what I should focus on.

Why?

So, I have been thinking what my reasons to want to lose weight are. I don't want them to be ``I hate my body". I am tired of hating things about myself. I also don't really think I am doing it for health reasons. My BMI is under 30 (although not much under) and the evidence that having a BMI between 25 and 30 is bad for your health is pretty slim. I also don't really have trouble with everyday tasks. I can tie my shoes and do all of those little things that get hard with more weight. So why not stay at the weight I am at. So here are some reasons. And some of them I know are stupid.

1. I really do like running, I love how it makes me feel and I can't run much or I get injured at my current weight. The recommended top of the weight range to run (according to some runner magazine) is 132. No wonder I get injured. I don't need to get faster, although it would be nice, I just need to be able to run pain-free. (this is a really good reason)

2. I think I would really enjoy doing one of those organized week-long bike rides. I love being on the open road away from civilization. I don't really think I need to lose weight to do this but I think I would feel bad about myself if I am the biggest person on the ride. (this is a mediocre reason. It is more about what other people will think than about me. I think I will try to do a ride this summer regardless of my weight).

3. I love backpacking. The extra 50 lb pack on top of my extra 40lb of fat makes for a lot of weight. I do sometimes have trouble keeping up with my smaller friends. (this is a good reason, kind of like running.)

4. I currently kind of avoid sex. I am afraid that is one of those self-hatred reasons because I am pretty sure my partner likes my body. I think I need to work on how I feel about my body at whatever weight I am at. 

5. I want to wear jeans with tucked-in shirts. I guess this is again about how I feel about my body and what I think other people think about it. Not a very good reason.

6. There is this one person (don't we all have such a person) that I sort of want to show to I am hot. This is a really, really stupid reason. I meet this woman maybe once a year, I don't have much respect for her, and still I want to ``show her". She always makes comments about people's weight (and mind you she is about my size but always commenting on her friends and colleagues gaining 5 lb). She judges people based on their weight almost exclusively and I just don't want her to think she is better than me. This is a really stupid reason and I should really get over it.

7. Unfortunately I often believe I don't belong in certain groups because I am fat. Like I like running with people but I shy away from doing the training runs organized by various cubs and running stores because I know I will be the only fat person there and thus not fit in. I think I should start giving people more credit and believe they won't just look at me and decide I am too fat to talk to. Or I should at least test this. Even the times I do work-out with people, like my spin class, I never talk to anyone. Part of this is that I have a friend on a competitive adult swim team. There is one fat female swimmer. She is very, very good and fast and yet often people talk about her fluctuating weight and not about what amazing times she has. But just because there are immature people on my friend's swim team, that is a bad reason to assume all fit people are like that.

So I can probably keep going but I think the summary is that some of my reasons are valid and have to do with me being better at, or at least injury free, doing the activities I enjoy. Even though these are not essential like tying your shoes, they make my life better. Others have to do with the fact I just don't like my body and I need to work on that because when I think about it, my body is pretty amazing. It ran a marathon in under 5 hours only 8 months after I started running for the first time in 20 years. And it has taken my extra 40lbs of fat and my 50lb pack to the top of many mountains. It deserves my love and respect. And then there are reasons that have to do with me being afraid to do thinks I am capable of doing because I am afraid of not fitting in. I am afraid that when I talk to runners they are always thinking ``she is so fat, she can't be one of us." And I am sure some people do. But there are others who probably don't so I need to give those people a chance. And I need to give myself a chance to be part of the groups I want to be a part of. In this direction, next week I will try to make at least two spin classes (they are good cross training with my running anyway) and talk to somebody each time. Might not happen (the talking part) but I will try.

Week 2 and what is ahead

I finished week two with the very unimpressive loss of .75lb but I did complete the first week of the 8K running program successfully. I wish I could say I did everything right and the scale just didn't cooperate but that wouldn't be the truth. I am out of town and away from my food journal but when I get back home I will compute my average calories. It was probably 1800-1900/day though so can't really expect a weightloss.

I like that it is a new week and I can try again. This week might be challenging - I am out of town staying with friends for 4 day and thus completely not in control of my food. My friends are quite fit and health conscious though so I will probably get healthy, although not low cal, food. Last night we had really good thai food they cooked. It was good - veggies, lentils and rice. It did have coconut milk though which ended up meaning it had 78% of my daily fat requirement per serving. (As I said my friends are health conscious and the book they were using for the recipe had the calorie and nutrient breakdown of the meal. At least I knew what I was eating). I think I ended up with 1500 cal for the day and I ran 2.5 miles in the morning so that is pretty good. 

I will also not be able to run today and tomorrow and to run on Wednesday I will have to make a considerable effort (which I intent to make). I was planning to run outside while I am away from my gym but then this snowstorm hit. There is a sheet of ice outside and there is no way I am running. So I will just have to watch what I eat. I'll let you know how I do.

This morning when I opened my blogl I saw all these comments on some of my earlier posts. I was excited about that. I feel a little weird writing that post about my childhood and people actually reading it but I think it is good for me to be more open about who I am. I am not open with people at all in real life. 

Well, I am off to hit the shower before my friends and their kids wake-up.